


nitrous oxide

by cashcakeplz



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Boyfriends, Confusion, Cute, Drugs, Forehead Kisses, M/M, Misunderstandings, One Shot, Sleepy Kisses, Whining, Wisdom Teeth, god im trash :))))))), no sex if you guys can believe it, that's about it honestly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-05 16:32:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17328545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cashcakeplz/pseuds/cashcakeplz
Summary: “Awe,” He hums, pressing his cheek against Ashton’s chest despite the pain. “I think you’re a babe, too. Even though you won’t kiss me.”“Cal, Christ.”“Maybe we should date or somethin’.” Calum says, thinking it’s the greatest idea he’s ever had. “And no, don’t say that it’s because I’m high as fuck. I think think you’re cute. We should date.”“Oh, god help me.”or the one where Calum gets his wisdom teeth removed and can't for the life of him understand why Ashton won't just fucking kiss him.





	nitrous oxide

**Author's Note:**

> hiya boys  
> this is boring, cute little one shot i wrote bc i got my wisdoms out a few days ago and finally understand the effects of the drugs. in case any of you were wondering, i cried while watching iron chef bc the drugs made me upset.   
> so here we have cute boyfriends being cute boyfriends and calum high off his ass.   
> hope you enjoy and don't send me hate mail.   
> god bless
> 
> XX- Alex

The thing is, Calum’s not entirely sure where he is.

His lizard brain helpfully supplies Mars, but something about the vehicle he's in makes Calum bat at that part of his brain with a stick. The car he's in smells clean and nice in that rental sort of way, but also smells somewhat smokey and  _familiar_ , and Calum suddenly feels emerged in frustration at the whole situation. 

With a helpless whine, he reaches his fingers out in front of him and rubs the dashboard of the car, confused and annoyed. Whoever decided to shove whatever this is inside his mouth is an asshole and he thinks they should probably leave the city before he finds out who they are. He tries to reach for his phone but a hand on his wrist stops him. 

“Woah, Cal. Probably shouldn’t mess with that right now.” A voice says helpfully. Calum tips his head back to try and find the voice. It’s connected to a lad with curly blondish hair... _ Ashton _ , his lizard brain suggests. “And what are you whinin’ about, mate?” 

“Where ‘m I?” He slurs, hoping that Ashton got the message. 

“You’re in my car, bro. We’re going home.” 

“Wha’ the fuck’s in me mouth?” He tries to ask. 

“Gauze. So you don’t bleed everywhere.” Ashton answers calmly, turning on the turn signal of the car. Calum shifts when the car does, his center of gravity apparently on the moon. 

“Gaz?” He says with furrowed eyebrows once he rights himself. “The fuck?” 

“Cal, you got your wisdoms out, man.” Ashton says and then laughs hilariously. Calum thinks that his laugh is ridiculously high-pitched and would probably fit better on a fifteen year old version of him, but also finds it vaguely charming nonetheless. He also kinda likes the little curl hanging over Ashton’s forehead. He keeps both facts to himself. 

“What.” He says back, his head lolling back onto the leather of the seat under him. 

“You had surgery, bud. They took out your wisdom teeth because they’ve been hurting you. We’re going home now, like I said.” 

Calum pouts then flinches when the pain makes him a little dizzy. He looks back over at Ashton and how his hand is centered on the steering wheel and the other one is resting on the center console, and Calum thinks it has no business being there. To remedy this, he picks up said hand and wraps their fingers together, to which Ashton raises an eyebrow. 

“They stole me teef?” He asks, still groggy and confused. 

“I guess sorta.” Ashton laughs again. “I don’t know what they did with them. Sold them on ebay probably.” 

“No,” Calum complains, tugging Ashton’s hand into his lap. The other boy’s hands are nearly the same size as his, their slender fingers twisting together in an incredibly satisfying sort of way. Calum leans down and rubs his cheek against the skin. 

“Don’t do that.” Ashton says, dropping their hands again, but keeping them linked. “It’ll hurt your face.” 

“Wanna hold your hand.” Calum says back pointedly. 

“We are holding hands.” Ashton argues. “Look, mate.” 

Calum looks down and feels pretty nice about it, reassured that Ashton’s hand is secured in his own. 

“Do,” He trails off for a moment, closing his eyes and fighting through the haze of drugs still in his system. He kinda feels like crying. “Do you wanna hold my hand, too?” 

Ashton laughs again, his head tipping back and Calum’s heart kinda breaks. Ashton is laughing at him and he doesn’t understand. What was so bad about that question? 

“Sure man, I want to hold your hand too. Do you think I would be if I didn’t want to?” 

Calum frowns again. He hadn’t really thought about that. Ashton has always seemed to be...a deliberate person. If he didn’t want to hold Calum’s hand, he would have let go. But here they are. 

“No,” He says back, his pout still there, mostly because he can’t feel his bottom lip and he just wants to make sure it’s there. “Can we...I want ice cream.” 

“There’s ice cream at home. We got you a bunch before today, remember?” 

Calum shakes his head aggressively. 

“I want Dairy Queen. We don’t have Dairy Queen at home.” 

“Mate, let’s just get you home so you can take your meds and lay down for a bit, okay? Then we’ll see about your Dairy Queen.” 

“No,” Calum demands, making his irritation clear by dropping Ashton’s hand. “Don’ wanna go home, ice cream first.”

“Mate,” Ashton essentially begs, taking his newly released hand and gripping the wheel. “We’re in LA, five minutes from home. It’ll take forever to get to Dairy Queen. C’mon, there’s rocky road in the freezer and a bed. Don’t you wanna lay down?” 

Calum does in fact want to lay down, because even though the car is comfy, he’s craving a nice comfy blanket and is quite groggy. He also wouldn’t mind laying on a nice, warm chest. Who it’s attached to isn’t that important. 

“Fine.” He says eventually, crossing his arms. Ashton rolls his eyes in a grossly fond way but reaches over to pry Calum’s hand into his own, knowing that the boy probably still wants the comfort of having someone he knows touching him. Getting your wisdom teeth removed and having drugs in your system can be quite the ordeal. He’s only a little relieved that Calum hasn’t started crying yet. 

“Look, here we are.” Ashton says with a smile. Calum cracks his eyes, which have somehow managed to close on their own, open and looks out the windshield at his apartment. He goes to unbuckle himself and promptly gets upset when his fingers won’t cooperate and the buckle stays secured. 

“Fuck,” He mutters, tugging madly at the black strap. Ashton giggles yet again at him and presses the button down for him. 

“Alright, here.” Ashton says softly. “No, wait.” 

Calum follows Ashton’s order when he tries to climb out of the car and waits for the older boy to help with out with an arm around his waist. 

“There we are, good lad.” Ashton smiles, tugging Calum towards the house. Calum thinks that this is utterly ridiculous because he is a grown  _ man  _ and is capable of  _ walking _ , Ashton can go to hell. 

He tells the older boy this and receives a pat on the head in consolation. 

“You’ve gotta stop talking, mate. It’ll make the bleeding worse. Now come on, lets get your meds sorted.” Ashton placates, leading Calum into the living room and letting him crash, full-body, on the couch, catching his head at the last second to make sure Calum won’t smash his face on the arm. 

“Ash,” Calum whines. Now that he’s back home, surrounded by familiar scents of roasted coffee and beer, he feels a little better. A little less contentious and a little more in need of attention. Ashton ignores his cries and, feeling betrayed, Calum reaches for the remote and turns on Food Network, humming in satisfaction when Guy Fieri is waving at him. 

“Alright, mate.” Ashton says, walking back in with a cup of tea and three pills. “Oh look, Diners, Dive-ins, and Dives. Your favorite.” 

“Mhm,” Calum answers, curling up on the couch. He swallows the meds Ashton gives him, nearly gagging at the sight of blood-soaked cotton that came from his mouth. 

“Gross.” He points out, poking the gauze with his pinky. Ashton slaps his hand away and makes Calum take another sip. “Where’s...where’re Mikey and Luke?” 

“I don’t know mate, why?” 

“I…” Calum trails off, his chest aching suddenly. He feels lonely and upset all at once. “I wanna cuddle. Call Luke.” 

Ashton rolls his eyes but pulls his phone from his back pocket. The familiar ringing of FaceTime reassures Calum and he relaxes, curling around Ashton’s body, which is positioned on the edge of the couch Calum’s laying on. 

“Hey, Ash, what’s-”

“Calum wants to talk to you.” Ashton says quickly, handing Calum the phone and getting to his feet. Calum goes to grab him but the phone is in his hands so he can’t do anything about it. 

“Lukey, why aren’t you here?”

“I’m out with Sierra, bud.” Luke says, his radiant, pointy face smiling at Calum through the phone. “We’re at the beach, sorry.” 

“Hey, Cal!” 

Calum smiles a little again at Sierra’s voice but stops when he realizes that hurts his cheeks. 

“Luke, you gotta come home now. I’m lonely.” Calum whines. 

“Isn’t Ashton with you?” 

“Yeah, but he keeps movin’.” Calum explains, frowning. 

Ashton comes back with a scoff and throws something soft over Calum. It’s a thick blanket, the one from his bed, he’s pretty sure. He cuddles into it gratefully and accepts Ashton’s fingers in his curls like a spoiled kitten. 

“Looks like he’s right there!” Luke says happily. “How are you feeling, man? Does your face hurt?” 

Calum nods in answer, distracted by Ashton’s soft stroking. 

“Yeah, can’t feel my bottom lip.” 

“Is that normal?” Luke directs to Ashton. 

“Yeah. Doctor said most of his mouth is gonna be numb for about an hour. Also said that it’s gonna take some time for the drugs to wear off, which means I’m stuck with this soppy mess until dinner time.” 

“Good luck, lad.” Luke laughs. “Cal, did you get some ice cream? I ate tons when I got mine out.” 

Calum frowns, suddenly remembering why he’d been so upset earlier. He looks accusingly up at Ashton, who rolls his eyes yet again. 

“I can either get up and get you your ice cream or stay here with you. You have to choose.” 

“Stay.” Calum says quickly. He brings a hand up to his mouth and pets at his lips, reassuring himself that they’re still there. After confirming, he looks up at Ashton and uses the same hand to feel his face...his lips. 

“Hm.” He hums, the hand with the phone in it drooping. 

“Oi, that’s my phone you’re dropping, Cal. What the fuck are you doing anyway?” Ashton squaks, stealing his phone from Calum’s grip, Luke still laughing at them. 

“You have...mouth.” Calum says, as if that explains everything. Luke’s choked laugh cuts through and Calum wants to tell him to hush, that he’s having a moment with his...Ashton. 

“Nice observation.” Ashton assures. “Sorry to bother you, Luke. He just wanted to see you.” 

“It’s all good, Ash, this is hilarious.” Luke says back. 

“Kiss,” Calum says suddenly, still gripping Ashton’s jaw. Luke laughter echoes in their apartment and Calum takes the phone from Ashton’s hand, hanging up quickly, despite Luke’s scrambled protests. 

“Calum, you can’t just-”

“ _ Kiss _ .” Calum says again, more firmly this time. He sets Ashton’s phone down on his belly and squirms closer. “I wanna kiss.”

Ashton giggles, situating himself more firmly on the couch and pulling Calum’s head into his lap. 

“No kisses.” He answers calmly. 

“Wha’?” Calum pouts. “Why not!” 

“Because you’re on drugs, mate. And you just got teeth extracted. So it’ll hurt.” Ashton explains, his eyes glued on the tv but fingers playing gently in Calum’s shower-soft hair. 

“I don’t care!” 

“Well,  I do.” Ashton responds somewhat mindlessly. “Sorry, but no kisses.” 

Calum tugs helplessly on Ashton’s shirt, his eyes slipping half-closed, exhausted. 

“Wha’ the fuck.” He says again. “But I want kisses!” 

“Shh,” Ashton calms him down. “Go to sleep.” 

“Aren’t I pretty?” Calum asks, his heart a little bit broken in his chest. 

“Sure, Cal. You’re very pretty, but I’m not kissin you.” 

“Ash,” Calum whimpers, pulling at his shirt again. 

“No offense, mate, but you don’t look exactly kissable right now.” Ashton laughs, turning Calum’s face to look at him. Calum isn’t really sure why he wants to kiss Ashton so badly, but he’s pissed that his older friend won’t give him what he wants. He whines loudly and summons all of his willpower so he can climb up Ashton’s body, setting his bruised cheek just below Ashton’s collar bone and gripping his shirt like a lifeline. 

“Please?” 

Ashton readjusts them, so Calum is laying flat against his chest like a slumped puppy. That tells Calum that Ashton is here to stay, but he still shakes his head and refuses to kiss Calum. 

“No, babe. Your face is all puffy and your lips are numb. Kissing would be gross. Just chill out a bit, yeah?” Ashton tries to placate, pulling Calum so he’ll lay still. 

Calum feels as though he’s been thoroughly rejected and hurt and even starts to tear up when he realizes that Ashton Irwin just called him babe. It’s not like it’s a miracle or anything, Ashton’s probably called him upwards of a hundred times, but it makes Calum feel warm and fuzzy for a pleasant moment. 

“Awe,” He hums, pressing his cheek against Ashton’s chest despite the pain. “I think you’re a babe, too. Even though you won’t kiss me.”

“Cal, Christ.”

“Maybe we should  _ date  _ or somethin’.” Calum says, thinking it’s the greatest idea he’s ever had. “And no, don’t say that it’s because I’m high as fuck. I think think you’re cute. We should date.”

“Oh, god help me.” 

Calum smiles to himself, snuggling even deeper against his drummer, happy now with the idea swimming around in his drugged up brain. He pulls the blanket closer. 

“That way I can kiss you whenever and you can’t do anything about it!” Calum says triumphantly, joining Ash in watching how Guy Fieri is stirring something into a large pot. “Perfect.”

“You fucking fool.” Ashton complains, grunting when Calum’s knee gets him in the side. He fights to not push Calum and his horrendous mouth away. 

“‘M sleepy.” Calum mutters. Ashton’s t-shirt is very soft against his face. His lizard brain tells him that this is kind of amazing, that Ashton I’m-the-only-straight-one-in-the-band Irwin is letting him cuddle like this. If the circumstances were different, Ashton surely would not allow Calum to crawl all over him like this, especially when he’s been so cranky and is now basically asking Ashton to be his boyfriend. 

“Sleep then, man.” Ashton says simply. “Your body needs to recover.”

“Don’t want you to leave.” 

“I’ll stay if you just go to sleep.”

“And when I wake up?” 

“I’ll still be here and I’ll get you some ice cream.” Ashton says sweetly, stroking a stray hair from Calum’s neck to behind his ear. 

“And kisses?” 

Ashton sighs, ever put-upon. 

“We’ll see.” 

Calum is satisfied with that answer, so he happily settles down on Ashton’s warm body and drifts a little bit. His dreams are a haze of swirled colors and strange images. He’s vaguely too hot and a little sweaty but mostly just tired and very thirsty. There are nice fingers in his hair and Food Network is chattering happily away, so Calum stays in a half-asleep daze until Ashton shifts under him. 

He opens his eyes, welcomes himself back into the world of living and promplty whines in discomfort. His mouth feels like it’s been through the wringer, his jaw aching and messy cotton still between his teeth. And to make matters worse, Ashton is slipping out from under him and checking his temperature like he’s twelve and not the boy who wants to kiss him silly. 

“Mouth hurts.” Calum points out. “Hungry.” 

“I know.” Ashton answers. “I’m getting you more meds and some ice cream.” 

“Potatoes.” 

Ashton rounds on Calum, both eyebrows furrowed. 

“Are you serious? You almost killed me for not getting you Dairy Queen and now you want potatoes?” He rants. 

“Yes please, babe.” Calum says sheepishly. Ashton seems to soften at those words and just gives Calum a light eye roll before disappearing into the kitchen. Calum flops his head to the side and sees that Chopped is on. Fuck yes. 

By the time Ashton has returned, Ted Allen has revealed the basket and Calum’s sinking into a pit of despair. There’s no way any of those chefs will be able to handle kalamari. It’s hopeless. 

“Here, lad.” Ashton says, handing Calum another pill and watching him like a hawk until the younger boy swallows it obediently. “Alright. I called Mike. He’s gonna bring you mashed potatoes from KFC. Okay? Be nice to him when he gets here.” 

Calum nods, feeling vulnerable and attaches himself to Ashton again.

“Kisses now?” 

“For the love of god.” Ashton mutters before dipping down and placing a sloppy kiss on Calum’s forehead. It’s something, but it’s not enough and Calum falls back to the couch, defeated. 

“Fine. Keep your kisses.” He complains. He starting to come back to himself a little, but still feels sleepy and thirsty and very dependent. “But this is going to haunt you when I become your boyfriend.” 

“Uh huh.” Ashton says mindlessly. He sits back against the couch. “Well, I eagerly await that day.” 

Calum is still kind of pissed at Ashton for not kissing him, so he lays glumly with his feet in Ashton’s lap and his head resting on a couch pillow, still watching tv and the sense of doom still consuming him. Despite his earlier predictions, most of the chefs manage to make something edible out of the kalamari, and the short one gets sent home for undercooked rice. The dessert basket has hot sauce in it. It renews Calum’s upset nature. 

Ashton’s fingers are curling around his ankle when the front door opens and Michael comes in, brandishing a bag of food for the younger boy. 

“Here, asshole.” He says, setting the plastic bowl of mashed potatoes on the coffee table and collapsing in a chair off to the side. “You feelin any better?”

“Worse.” Calum says back, looking at the potatoes. He feels immensely grateful and even considers getting up to give Michael a hug. “Thank you, so much.” 

Ashton snorts. 

“Sure, he thanks you.” 

“I brought him what he wanted and didn’t make him swallow any pills.” Michael points out. 

“And I bet Mikey won’t turn away my kisses.” Calum adds, sliding off the couch and reaching for the plastic spork. Michael raises an eyebrow from beneath his snapback and looks at Ashton, who just shrugs. 

“Ashton won’t kiss you, Cal?” Michael teases. Calum hums from around his warm mouthful of starchy goodness. “Gosh, I wonder why.” 

“I asked him to be my boyfriend.” Calum argues with a pout. Ashton shakes his head. 

“No, he didn’t ask me.” Ashton says pointedly. “He  _ threatened  _ to be my boyfriend.” 

“Well, that is just  _ ridiculous _ .” Michael says with a smirk. 

Calum looks away from the tv he got distracted by to Ashton and Michael, who are sharing knowing expressions. They are practically eye-fucking each other with knowledge and Calum doesn’t like it one bit. 

“Hey,” He pouts. “Why do you two look like that?” 

“Hm, Cal?” Michael asks, nodding to the potatoes. “How are they?” 

“Great!” Calum affirms, spooning more into his mouth.

“That’s good, mate. Well, I didn’t exactly come to hang out, mostly just drop off your potatoes then go home. My dog’s waiting for me.” 

Calum whines again. He wants a puppy, too. 

“Thanks man. I thought Calum was gonna kill me if he didn’t get some in his system. He’s shockingly fussy. I didn’t expect him to be so whiny.” Ashton asserts. “I mean he’s asked for kisses like ten times.” 

“God forbid,” Michael says with a soft smile. 

“Yeah, but look at him, Mike. He’s all puffed up and on drugs.” 

Michael just shrugs and Calum is busy watching the finale of Chopped to dig into whatever it is they’re talking about. The mashed potatoes are creamy and warm and don’t make him want to die when he swallows them, so he makes a point of making them last. 

“Well, I wish you luck. Let me know if he needs anything else tomorrow, okay?”

“Will do.” Ashton says. 

“Cal, I’m leavin, mate. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Yeah, okay. Thank you.” He says, reaching a hand out and grabbing Michael’s wrist as he passes in gratitude. 

Michael leaves and Calum finishes his potatoes and Ashton frowns when the winner is announced. He’d apparently been pulling for the little Asian woman. Calum thinks he probably had been too. It’s dark outside now and Calum’s pills are starting to sink in and despite dozing most of the day, he’s ready for bed. 

“Ash,” Calum whines and Ashton grunts in response. “Wanna go to sleep.” 

“Okay, like bedtime?” 

“Mhm.” 

“Alright, up then.” Ashton says, slinging another arm around Calum’s waist and pulling him up. They make their way to a bedroom, Calum smiling to himself when he realizes Ash is putting him down on his own bed, Ashton’s detergent filling Calum’s senses. 

“Ashton, why was Mikey laughing at me earlier?” Calum asks when he’s all tucked in. Ashton sits down beside him. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“When you were complainin’ about me wanting to kiss you.” Calum clarifies. 

“Oh,” Ashton says with raised eyebrows. “That’s because that’s normal for you.” 

“Wha’?” He asks. 

“Cal,” Ashtons says again, smoothing his hair back. “We’re dating, mate.” 

Calum furrows his eyebrows. 

“Can’t believe you forgot me while you were high, love.” 

“Dating?” Calum says in shock. “When did that happen?” 

“A year ago.” Ashton says patiently. “Why do you think I let you hold my hand in the car? Or am letting you sleep in my bed? Or dealt with your attitude all day, hm?” 

Calum just falls further and further into confusion. The pain meds Ashton gave him must be really having an effect on his ability to think clearly. 

“Jus’ thought you were nice.” He says instead. “My best mate.” 

“I am your best mate.” Ashton supplies helpfully. “Your boyfriend too, though.” 

“Then,” Calum tries to lick his very chapped lips but stops when he realizes he still has no idea where said lips are. “Why didn’t you kiss me? Isn’t that what boyfriends do?” 

“Calum, you seriously need to see yourself, man. Your face is swollen to hell and your lips are already bruised. So not only are you ugly right now but you also just had  _ mouth surgery.  _ Kissing will only hurt you.” 

“You called me ugly.” 

“You’re ugly right now.” Ashton argues simply. Calum has the sinking suspicion that he’s right. 

“Should still be nice to your boyfriend.” 

“Didn’t I call you pretty earlier today?” 

Calum kind of hates Ashton right now. How can this man be so frustrating and so reasonable at the same time? What is Calum doing dating someone so put together? 

“Yeah.” He concedes. 

“There you go. Now I’m gonna go make myself dinner, ok. No, don’t look at me like that. I spent all afternoon cuddling with you on the couch. I get extra points because you didn’t realize I was your boyfriend so they were just friendly cuddles.” Ashton spits before Calum can protest. 

“‘M sorry I’ve been so bratty.” 

Ashton sighs again. 

“It’s fine, love. You got teeth ripped out. I can forgive you this one time.” 

“When can I kiss you?” 

“Depends on when you stop being swollen and are coherent.” Ashton explains. “Now be sure to drink all of this water and ask for me if your mouth starts bleeding again. We don’t need you getting an infection. And no smoking for at least four days.” 

Calum nods, looking up at Ashton with watery doe eyes. 

“Ok, no smoking. But kisses?” 

“You are never this desperate for kisses when you’re sober.” 

“Maybe I’m just not as honest about it.” 

Ashton suppresses a smile and Calum feels like he just won a shining trophy. He pulls on Ashton’s fingers in solidarity. 

“Maybe,” Ashton admits. He gets off the bed and touches the curve of Calum’s waist through the blanket. “Get some rest, babe.” 

Calum nods and releases Ashton’s hand finally, his body succumbing to its exhaustion. 

“See you in the morning?” He asks hopefully. Ashton leans down and presses a feather-light kiss on Calum’s puffy lips. Much to the younger boy’s disappointment, he can’t feel it. All he can feel is Ashton’s hair tickling his forehead and his body heat radiating into him. 

“Yeah,” He promises. “We’ll see about more kisses later.” 

Calum smiles satedly at him. 

“Okay, sounds good.” 

“Love you, Cal.” 

Calum hums, sinking deeply into Ashton’s bedding and looking at the older boy like he’s his entire world. 

“Love you too.” He promises and then sinks into another set of weird dreams, hopeful with the promise of more kisses when he wakes up. 


End file.
